So yesterday was a tough day, and at the end of it I kept thinking about these ice cream sandwiches that are sitting in my freezer. the fact that they have been there for more than a week untouched is testament to the fact that I am actually exercising some willpower. But yesterday was hard, and by naptime (Jasper's, not mine), I kept thinking that I deserved an ice cream sandwich. AFTER ALL I HAVE BEEN THROUGH (which wasn't that much, just trying to work and take care of Jasper by myself because my mom finally caught our flu and was really sick at home, and I was tired and had a bad headache). But still. I could have one! It would make me feel better about the whole day! Right? Right?
I knew it wouldn't. I knew if I ate it, I would just be using food as a reward for getting through something non-food related. I knew it. I really did. I wasn't even hungry. So I didn't eat one, and I had a sensible snack, and then I had dinner, and then later I convinced myself that an ice cream sandwich was a very sensible and portion controlled kind of dessert, and I had the points, and why not?
I feel good that I resisted it and didn't have one while I was alone at naptime. That would have been kind of sneaky. But I really shouldn't have had it at all, and here's the thing. I didn't even really enjoy it. It's gluten free, and I was so excited that they tasted just like regular (which they always did -- I ate MANY of these when I was pregnant), only these ones tasted kind of beany like gluten free stuff gets sometimes, and I was eating and eating and not really loving it, and toward the end I was just eating it to get it out of my hands (god forbid I throw it away). And then I tracked it in WW and discovered it had even more points than I thought under the new system, and it threw off my flex points for the rest of the week, and argh.
Today I was doing great and sticking to the plan, and then I got a latte (a small one) which is fine, but then we also had burgers and fries for dinner and I ate too much burger with too much bun and too much mayo, and WHY? I do not know, but I did it. So now I am overfull and I blew my points even more (not catastrophic. I just have barely a handful of flex points to get me to Saturday. Means I have to exercise or eat less food) and wondering what is wrong with me. Mostly what is wrong with me is that I am not making the best food choices. I should be having a giant salad instead of a hamburger bun. And I should not be eating bread that is 3 points a slice. And I should really, REALLY, just leave the rest of the ice cream sandwiches alone, because they aren't worth it. I want to keep losing weight, and if that means no ice cream sandwiches this year, so be it.
Oh, I also got my filling done on my tooth, and I was freaked out and panicky, but I did it. I do think it contributed to wanting comfort food tonight, though. I just wanted to feel good, and full feels good. But overfull like I am right now doesn't feel good, so I have to start keeping that in mind, too.
Oh, one more thing. I bought myself new mascara and some hair product today. I want to keep focusing on non-food rewards, and I really needed some new mascara. Hoping this one is actually not clumpy with a good brush. The last one I bought I wanted to stab someone in the eye with, it was so pointy and clumpy and weird.
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