There is a reason that restaurants don't want to make their nutrition info public. Because if you see it, you will never want to eat out again. It is ridiculous.
I was at a staff meeting and we were going to go out for happy hour afterward. My plan was to have 1 drink and then go home and make dinner. We ended up at Chevy's ("Fresh" "Mex") with a few coworkers and then our VP insisted on buying us all (including Jasper and toph!) dinner. Which was very nice of her, but I was not intending to eat dinner at Chevy's. But who were we to say no to free food. So I had a margarita (ONE), and probably more chips and salsa than were strictly necessary, and then ate 1 chicken enchilada, half my rice, and the "grilled" vegetables (which tasted like lighter fluid). This is remarkably restrained for me. I ate the one enchilada, and even picked out a bunch of bites of chicken and rice for Jasper, and looked at the rest and thought, "I'll just be done." Go me!
Then I came home and looked up the nutrition info and OH my EFFING god. I do not even want to think about how much fat and carbs I ate. I tracked it all, and through the miracle of a very small breakfast and very moderate lunch, I stayed inside my points today. But I feel terrible, all heavy and gross, even though I tried (mostly) to go light. I could have had a salad, but you can eat as much fat in salad dressing as in an enchilada, and this was just mole and chicken, there wasn't cheese or sour cream or anything. It's just stupid that I was trying to be reasonable and it was still so ridiculous. And that is why I generally do not eat at Chevy's.
I'm glad I saw it, actually, because it was a good reminder that restaurant food is not like homecooked. I do not pour a barrel of oil, salt, and sugar into everything I cook, and most restaurants do. It's just part of the deal. Eating at home is much better for all of us.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Day 30: Watch me blow it!
Oh mercy. After doing so well and getting into my new weight decade this week, I went on a little bender. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. I still stuck to my points for the week, though I blew through an insane amount of flex points on Friday. And I ate sushi, and had part of a wonton that had wheat in it (so I got all puffy and my eyes got itchy), and then ate pizza, and wine, and more wine, and then one more wine for good measure.
The result is that I am showing a net gain of 1.5 lbs for the week, even after losing 1.5lbs earlier in the week. Realistically, I know that much of it is water weight, and I'll lose it today and tomorrow if I eat sensibly. On the other hand, today is my official weigh-in day, so I have to weigh in with a gain. Depressing.
On a 3rd hand, I did still stick to my goals this week:
The result is that I am showing a net gain of 1.5 lbs for the week, even after losing 1.5lbs earlier in the week. Realistically, I know that much of it is water weight, and I'll lose it today and tomorrow if I eat sensibly. On the other hand, today is my official weigh-in day, so I have to weigh in with a gain. Depressing.
On a 3rd hand, I did still stick to my goals this week:
- Exercise: I did a 10 minute yoga session EVERY DAY this week! And I walked 30+ minutes 4 times, each time pushing the stroller. Yesterday, we walked for over an hour. I am starting to feel a difference in my legs; the muscles are getting more defined. And my balance and flexibility is also improving.
- Points: Technically, I stuck to my points. I used all of my Activity points, and I used a giant glob of my Flex points on Friday/Saturday, which is allowed, but for me is probably not a good idea.
- Weight: up 1.5lbs. Now let us never speak of it again.
- Stay on track and don't be discouraged by the scale.
- Stick to my points.
- Use Activity points only on the day I earn them, rather than banking them for the week.
- Drink 8 glasses of water every day (I've been falling down on this, and feeling parched at night.)
- Do at least 3 30-minute sessions of aerobic exercise
- Complete the Facebook arms challenge
- Make a detailed meal plan for next week (write it all down)-- I am planning a low points/low fat/low carb week, just to shake things up. I want to make sure I am ready to hit the ground running on Monday (not Sunday, which is the Super Bowl).
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Day 27: Consistent
I've been doing at least a short yoga routine every morning this week. I use the Wii Fit, which is sort of not yoga at all, but it helps me to do my body test every day (and weigh myself) and then do a little pre-defined routine. Right now it's mostly stuff to stretch out my back, because I wake up every morning feeling creaky from lying in one position while Jasper nurses. That 10 minutes makes a big difference in my day, all day long. I added downward dog to the routine yesterday, and I forgot how much arm and core strength I need to do that one with good balance and form. So now it's going in the regular rotation so I keep practicing it.
I also signed up for a silly Facebook challenge of arm work for next week. Why not? Worst case scenario, I do some arm work for a few days. It's a new exercise every day, and you do 100 of them over the course of the day. I don't know if I will even use weights right now, because my arms are pretty weak except for the muscles that pick up babies.
Other news: I dropped into a new weight "decade" yesterday, and held steady today. I feel really good about that. It's mostly psychological, because I lost about 1/3 of a pound, but it makes me feel different, like I'm making progress.
I just want to keep making progress.
I've also done two 1/2 hour walks (pushing the stroller) to the park this week, so one more real workout and I'll meet my goal for the week! The yoga is nice, but it's just helping me stretch, I don't think it's doing much in the way of burning calories. But maybe getting up and doing my breathing and all that first thing in the morning will help my metabolism get fired up. Here's hoping!
Dinner tonight:
Sausage, some leftover vegetabley Bolognese, and pasta, with parmesan. Always with parmesan.
Last night was pork chops, roasted red potatoes, and a frozen vegetable medley. We're working on eating more vegetables, and sometimes frozen is the easy and affordable way to do it.
I also signed up for a silly Facebook challenge of arm work for next week. Why not? Worst case scenario, I do some arm work for a few days. It's a new exercise every day, and you do 100 of them over the course of the day. I don't know if I will even use weights right now, because my arms are pretty weak except for the muscles that pick up babies.
Other news: I dropped into a new weight "decade" yesterday, and held steady today. I feel really good about that. It's mostly psychological, because I lost about 1/3 of a pound, but it makes me feel different, like I'm making progress.
I just want to keep making progress.
I've also done two 1/2 hour walks (pushing the stroller) to the park this week, so one more real workout and I'll meet my goal for the week! The yoga is nice, but it's just helping me stretch, I don't think it's doing much in the way of burning calories. But maybe getting up and doing my breathing and all that first thing in the morning will help my metabolism get fired up. Here's hoping!
Dinner tonight:
Sausage, some leftover vegetabley Bolognese, and pasta, with parmesan. Always with parmesan.
Last night was pork chops, roasted red potatoes, and a frozen vegetable medley. We're working on eating more vegetables, and sometimes frozen is the easy and affordable way to do it.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day 25: feeling good
Woke up too early, did a little yoga with Jasper hovering around me squealing "Wiiiiiii!" Felt better after that. I've been focusing my yoga workouts on keeping my core really firm and strong. I can't see a difference yet, but I am feeling more balanced, especially during anything I do on one foot or raised on my toes. And I can reach past my toes now when I do the sun salutation. I feel good, like I am making progress.
I can start to see the merest glimpse of an indent in my cheeks these days. And
my belly is getting softer, which means I am losing some fat. So that's good, too.
Posting from my phone because I can't stand to be at my computer anymore today. I sat for too long. So I will keep this short.
I ate a really healthy lunch, but then we had frozen mac and cheese for dinner. Not my finest health moment, but it was planned for and I'm still within my points for the day. Sticking to my points is getting easier, and I am not feeling horribly hungry during the day. I'm also drinking a lot more water.
Focus for tomorrow: exercise, and if my
work schedule will allow, a pedicure. I've been putting it off for too long. Just need to go do it so my feet feel good!
I can start to see the merest glimpse of an indent in my cheeks these days. And
my belly is getting softer, which means I am losing some fat. So that's good, too.
Posting from my phone because I can't stand to be at my computer anymore today. I sat for too long. So I will keep this short.
I ate a really healthy lunch, but then we had frozen mac and cheese for dinner. Not my finest health moment, but it was planned for and I'm still within my points for the day. Sticking to my points is getting easier, and I am not feeling horribly hungry during the day. I'm also drinking a lot more water.
Focus for tomorrow: exercise, and if my
work schedule will allow, a pedicure. I've been putting it off for too long. Just need to go do it so my feet feel good!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day 24: Monday
Results from last week:
Goals for this week:
Dinner:
Tuna that my dad caught this summer (and froze), marinated in mirin, soy and sesame oil, grilled to medium rare, with a spicy dipping sauce
Roasted green beans
Rice
- Exercise: still only about 2x. We took a good walk on Saturday, and I did some yoga here and there. Meh.
- Stuck to my points. Yay!
- Lost 3 pounds for a total of just shy of 9 this month. Yay!
Goals for this week:
- Exercise at least 3x for 30+ minutes.
- Stick to my points.
- Write here every weekday.
Dinner:
Tuna that my dad caught this summer (and froze), marinated in mirin, soy and sesame oil, grilled to medium rare, with a spicy dipping sauce
Roasted green beans
Rice
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Day 20: Filling
So yesterday was a tough day, and at the end of it I kept thinking about these ice cream sandwiches that are sitting in my freezer. the fact that they have been there for more than a week untouched is testament to the fact that I am actually exercising some willpower. But yesterday was hard, and by naptime (Jasper's, not mine), I kept thinking that I deserved an ice cream sandwich. AFTER ALL I HAVE BEEN THROUGH (which wasn't that much, just trying to work and take care of Jasper by myself because my mom finally caught our flu and was really sick at home, and I was tired and had a bad headache). But still. I could have one! It would make me feel better about the whole day! Right? Right?
I knew it wouldn't. I knew if I ate it, I would just be using food as a reward for getting through something non-food related. I knew it. I really did. I wasn't even hungry. So I didn't eat one, and I had a sensible snack, and then I had dinner, and then later I convinced myself that an ice cream sandwich was a very sensible and portion controlled kind of dessert, and I had the points, and why not?
I feel good that I resisted it and didn't have one while I was alone at naptime. That would have been kind of sneaky. But I really shouldn't have had it at all, and here's the thing. I didn't even really enjoy it. It's gluten free, and I was so excited that they tasted just like regular (which they always did -- I ate MANY of these when I was pregnant), only these ones tasted kind of beany like gluten free stuff gets sometimes, and I was eating and eating and not really loving it, and toward the end I was just eating it to get it out of my hands (god forbid I throw it away). And then I tracked it in WW and discovered it had even more points than I thought under the new system, and it threw off my flex points for the rest of the week, and argh.
Today I was doing great and sticking to the plan, and then I got a latte (a small one) which is fine, but then we also had burgers and fries for dinner and I ate too much burger with too much bun and too much mayo, and WHY? I do not know, but I did it. So now I am overfull and I blew my points even more (not catastrophic. I just have barely a handful of flex points to get me to Saturday. Means I have to exercise or eat less food) and wondering what is wrong with me. Mostly what is wrong with me is that I am not making the best food choices. I should be having a giant salad instead of a hamburger bun. And I should not be eating bread that is 3 points a slice. And I should really, REALLY, just leave the rest of the ice cream sandwiches alone, because they aren't worth it. I want to keep losing weight, and if that means no ice cream sandwiches this year, so be it.
Oh, I also got my filling done on my tooth, and I was freaked out and panicky, but I did it. I do think it contributed to wanting comfort food tonight, though. I just wanted to feel good, and full feels good. But overfull like I am right now doesn't feel good, so I have to start keeping that in mind, too.
Oh, one more thing. I bought myself new mascara and some hair product today. I want to keep focusing on non-food rewards, and I really needed some new mascara. Hoping this one is actually not clumpy with a good brush. The last one I bought I wanted to stab someone in the eye with, it was so pointy and clumpy and weird.
I knew it wouldn't. I knew if I ate it, I would just be using food as a reward for getting through something non-food related. I knew it. I really did. I wasn't even hungry. So I didn't eat one, and I had a sensible snack, and then I had dinner, and then later I convinced myself that an ice cream sandwich was a very sensible and portion controlled kind of dessert, and I had the points, and why not?
I feel good that I resisted it and didn't have one while I was alone at naptime. That would have been kind of sneaky. But I really shouldn't have had it at all, and here's the thing. I didn't even really enjoy it. It's gluten free, and I was so excited that they tasted just like regular (which they always did -- I ate MANY of these when I was pregnant), only these ones tasted kind of beany like gluten free stuff gets sometimes, and I was eating and eating and not really loving it, and toward the end I was just eating it to get it out of my hands (god forbid I throw it away). And then I tracked it in WW and discovered it had even more points than I thought under the new system, and it threw off my flex points for the rest of the week, and argh.
Today I was doing great and sticking to the plan, and then I got a latte (a small one) which is fine, but then we also had burgers and fries for dinner and I ate too much burger with too much bun and too much mayo, and WHY? I do not know, but I did it. So now I am overfull and I blew my points even more (not catastrophic. I just have barely a handful of flex points to get me to Saturday. Means I have to exercise or eat less food) and wondering what is wrong with me. Mostly what is wrong with me is that I am not making the best food choices. I should be having a giant salad instead of a hamburger bun. And I should not be eating bread that is 3 points a slice. And I should really, REALLY, just leave the rest of the ice cream sandwiches alone, because they aren't worth it. I want to keep losing weight, and if that means no ice cream sandwiches this year, so be it.
Oh, I also got my filling done on my tooth, and I was freaked out and panicky, but I did it. I do think it contributed to wanting comfort food tonight, though. I just wanted to feel good, and full feels good. But overfull like I am right now doesn't feel good, so I have to start keeping that in mind, too.
Oh, one more thing. I bought myself new mascara and some hair product today. I want to keep focusing on non-food rewards, and I really needed some new mascara. Hoping this one is actually not clumpy with a good brush. The last one I bought I wanted to stab someone in the eye with, it was so pointy and clumpy and weird.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Day 18: PMS
Yesterday I was really wanting one of those ice cream sandwiches that I resisted so easily last week. I wanted something; I was unsatisfied and grumpy (this happens once a month... you know how it is). I told toph I really was thinking about ice cream. he said, "You've already eaten a lot of points today, you told me that an hour ago." He was right. I had told him. Which was good, because it helps to keep me accountable. Used to be, I wouldn't tell him how much progress I was making or if I was sort of failing or flaking out, because then he would know, and stop me when I wanted ice cream. Now, he knows when I've had enough (because I tell him) and when I try to go off plan, he stops me, because I want him to, and because he wants to support me.
So that's a little win.
I stuck to my points today, rather more easily, and didn't have ice cream even though I wanted some. I'm still sort of PMSing, which is why the ice cream seems like such a damn good idea, but now that I know that's what is happening, it will be easier to manage.
We ended up off plan for dinner, which happens. We went to see a friend's brand new baby, and had to hurry to get there at a good time for her. So dinner was tacos from King Burrito, but I was very reasonable and didn't get anything with cheese, and gave Jasper most of my sour cream. Small choices add up, right?
So that's a little win.
I stuck to my points today, rather more easily, and didn't have ice cream even though I wanted some. I'm still sort of PMSing, which is why the ice cream seems like such a damn good idea, but now that I know that's what is happening, it will be easier to manage.
We ended up off plan for dinner, which happens. We went to see a friend's brand new baby, and had to hurry to get there at a good time for her. So dinner was tacos from King Burrito, but I was very reasonable and didn't get anything with cheese, and gave Jasper most of my sour cream. Small choices add up, right?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Day 17
Missed a few days (eek -- I just looked at my last posts and it's been almost a week!) last week because I got sick. I never did throw up or have any real problems, but I was queasy and then fevery and really tired. toph stayed home on Thursday to take care of me and Jasper, and I took two naps and lounged about all day. It was actually quite nice, except for the part where I felt really lousy and couldn't do anything more laborious than walk to the bathroom without needing to lie down afterward.
A minor win: I asked toph to bring me juice and some ice cream, because I felt like I could only handle really mild stuff for my stomach. I ended up drinking a small glass of the juice, and not even touching the ice cream! I tracked my points the entire time, too. And, even though I feel like I hardly ate for two days, I actually ate most of my points both days. It's just that I was eating small amounts of comfort foods (grilled cheese sandwiches) instead of lots of vegetables.
I also finished another week, so here are my results:
My mom and I talked last week about maybe doing an alternating schedule of a week of really being strict about the program, eating cleanly (no sugar, lots of veggies, no booze), and exercising regularly (5x/week), and then taking a week of a more relaxed program like I've been doing so far. What always intimidates me about giving up things like wine and potatoes and pasta is the idea of being without them for a long time. Maybe if I can give them up for a week at a time, I can start to extend the time inbetween slowly, rather than going cold turkey. I know the best thing is just to stop eating that stuff, because eating it makes you want to eat more of it, but I know that when I feel deprived, it's just a matter of time before I go off the wagon. If I KNOW when the deadline is and I plan for it, maybe I'll be able to stick with it.
That all sounds like a lot of negotiation. I sometimes feel like I should be able to have more willpower and just suck it up and really commit. But I know myself, and my life, and I want to set up something that will be successful long term, not a really clean program that I stick to for 3 weeks, drop 15 pounds, and then spend 4 months off program gaining them back. Which I have done I don't even know how many times.
One thing I do want to do is stop eating so much beef, though. We really like steak, and ground beef is really handy. But lately we are having beef a few times a week, and that seems like too much. Ideally I would love a vegetarian meal once a week that felt like enough protein to me. I'll have to keep looking at that. I tend to default to cheese as my vegetarian protein, but it's not like it's any healthier than meat!
A minor win: I asked toph to bring me juice and some ice cream, because I felt like I could only handle really mild stuff for my stomach. I ended up drinking a small glass of the juice, and not even touching the ice cream! I tracked my points the entire time, too. And, even though I feel like I hardly ate for two days, I actually ate most of my points both days. It's just that I was eating small amounts of comfort foods (grilled cheese sandwiches) instead of lots of vegetables.
I also finished another week, so here are my results:
- Stuck to my points (2 weeks in a row!)
- Lost 2.9 pounds! Thanks, stomach flu, for making me not want to eat the world for a few days
- Exercised twice
My mom and I talked last week about maybe doing an alternating schedule of a week of really being strict about the program, eating cleanly (no sugar, lots of veggies, no booze), and exercising regularly (5x/week), and then taking a week of a more relaxed program like I've been doing so far. What always intimidates me about giving up things like wine and potatoes and pasta is the idea of being without them for a long time. Maybe if I can give them up for a week at a time, I can start to extend the time inbetween slowly, rather than going cold turkey. I know the best thing is just to stop eating that stuff, because eating it makes you want to eat more of it, but I know that when I feel deprived, it's just a matter of time before I go off the wagon. If I KNOW when the deadline is and I plan for it, maybe I'll be able to stick with it.
That all sounds like a lot of negotiation. I sometimes feel like I should be able to have more willpower and just suck it up and really commit. But I know myself, and my life, and I want to set up something that will be successful long term, not a really clean program that I stick to for 3 weeks, drop 15 pounds, and then spend 4 months off program gaining them back. Which I have done I don't even know how many times.
One thing I do want to do is stop eating so much beef, though. We really like steak, and ground beef is really handy. But lately we are having beef a few times a week, and that seems like too much. Ideally I would love a vegetarian meal once a week that felt like enough protein to me. I'll have to keep looking at that. I tend to default to cheese as my vegetarian protein, but it's not like it's any healthier than meat!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Day 11: The Dentist
The entire day wasn't actually about the dentist, but in my head it was. I was nervous and feeling worried about what was going to have to happen to my tooth, and also how much it was going to cost. When I finally sat down in the chair, Dr. Dave looked in my mouth and said "Well, will you look at that?!? Wow!" And then we took a terrifying picture of it ("This oughta do it for the insurance company," he said as he viewed it. "It looks awful. Much worse than it really is.") and talked about my options. He said that normally he'd put a crown on a tooth like that, but since it's not a tooth I use (it's a wisdom tooth and doesn't line up with any of my other teeth), we can try just putting a big filling over the places where it's exposed, and that should do it, at least until I am ready for a crown or want to have it removed.
So you don't want to extract it," I quavered, afraid to give him any ideas.
"Oh, gosh, no, I don't want to pull it. I wouldn't do that to you," he said. One of the many reasons why we all love Dr. Dave.
As I was making my appointment, I was chatting with the receptionist and said that I get a little shaky for things like this, so I was going to make toph come and hold my hand. "Oh, no problem," she chirped. "Since someone is driving you, just have Dr. Dave call you in some Valium. Takes the edge right off!" One of the other reasons to love Dr. Dave!
So next week I'll go back, take a Valium, get numbed up, and he'll drill a bit and then patch this thing up. He said if it's not hurting, it probably won't, and that this was likely inevitable from the size of the filling in it. (Which was put in in 2003. We were both amazed it was that long ago!)
The rest of the day was fretting about the baby (who is totally recovered from his tummy bug, but if he made a funny sound I was on alert!) and fretting about the appointment, and then recovering from not needing to fret anymore.
Dinner:
Pho Van:
Salad rolls, a garlic chicken wing, pork and shrimp rice noodle bowl, and some carmelized garlic pork and green beans that were astonishing. I could have eaten pounds of it. As it was, I let toph demolish it and kept things reasonable. Overall, delicious. And watching Jasper play with chopsticks was a hoot.
So you don't want to extract it," I quavered, afraid to give him any ideas.
"Oh, gosh, no, I don't want to pull it. I wouldn't do that to you," he said. One of the many reasons why we all love Dr. Dave.
As I was making my appointment, I was chatting with the receptionist and said that I get a little shaky for things like this, so I was going to make toph come and hold my hand. "Oh, no problem," she chirped. "Since someone is driving you, just have Dr. Dave call you in some Valium. Takes the edge right off!" One of the other reasons to love Dr. Dave!
So next week I'll go back, take a Valium, get numbed up, and he'll drill a bit and then patch this thing up. He said if it's not hurting, it probably won't, and that this was likely inevitable from the size of the filling in it. (Which was put in in 2003. We were both amazed it was that long ago!)
The rest of the day was fretting about the baby (who is totally recovered from his tummy bug, but if he made a funny sound I was on alert!) and fretting about the appointment, and then recovering from not needing to fret anymore.
Dinner:
Pho Van:
Salad rolls, a garlic chicken wing, pork and shrimp rice noodle bowl, and some carmelized garlic pork and green beans that were astonishing. I could have eaten pounds of it. As it was, I let toph demolish it and kept things reasonable. Overall, delicious. And watching Jasper play with chopsticks was a hoot.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Day 10: A New Week
Results from last week:
Unfortunately we are being plagued by minor health issues. I cracked a tooth (my left lower wisdom tooth, already a shell from a giant cavity years ago -- my wisdom teeth are the only ones with cavities) and will probably have to have it pulled, so I am unexpectedly going to the dentist tomorrow.
This afternoon after his nap, Jasper started throwing up, and wasn't able to keep anything down for several hours. We went way minimal and started doing the teaspoon of water every 10 minutes once he hadn't thrown up for an hour, and now he hasn't (knock wood) thrown up in almost 2 hours. I let him nurse a little bit, and now we're trying to get him to sleep for a while. If he can manage that, we can start him on something a little more substantial, though still liquid. Probably thinned out yogurt or something.
It is really hard for me to see him so upset. When he was being sick, he just looked betrayed, bewildered. He doesn't understand what it means to vomit, only that it sucks. And then being denied food and drink on top of it... he hasn't had food since lunchtime and he threw all of that up. He is tired and hungry and sick and even though he was a trooper this evening, I am sure he has about had it. It was such a relief to nurse him because I was able to just give him what he needed for a minute; I could feel the relief in my own body. I hope he'll sleep for a little while.
So we are all embroiled in that. I made a delicious dinner, and toph and I really enjoyed it, though I felt terrible that we had to keep telling Jasper he couldn't have any of it.
Dinner:
Sauteed chicken sausage, kale, shallot, and roasted red peppers, simmered in marinara with lemon peel, over soft polenta, with a little parmesan on top. SO good.
- Stuck to my points (but just barely) even though it was my birthday
- Lost just shy of 2 pounds (1.9, that totally rounds up)
- Exercised twice
Unfortunately we are being plagued by minor health issues. I cracked a tooth (my left lower wisdom tooth, already a shell from a giant cavity years ago -- my wisdom teeth are the only ones with cavities) and will probably have to have it pulled, so I am unexpectedly going to the dentist tomorrow.
This afternoon after his nap, Jasper started throwing up, and wasn't able to keep anything down for several hours. We went way minimal and started doing the teaspoon of water every 10 minutes once he hadn't thrown up for an hour, and now he hasn't (knock wood) thrown up in almost 2 hours. I let him nurse a little bit, and now we're trying to get him to sleep for a while. If he can manage that, we can start him on something a little more substantial, though still liquid. Probably thinned out yogurt or something.
It is really hard for me to see him so upset. When he was being sick, he just looked betrayed, bewildered. He doesn't understand what it means to vomit, only that it sucks. And then being denied food and drink on top of it... he hasn't had food since lunchtime and he threw all of that up. He is tired and hungry and sick and even though he was a trooper this evening, I am sure he has about had it. It was such a relief to nurse him because I was able to just give him what he needed for a minute; I could feel the relief in my own body. I hope he'll sleep for a little while.
So we are all embroiled in that. I made a delicious dinner, and toph and I really enjoyed it, though I felt terrible that we had to keep telling Jasper he couldn't have any of it.
Dinner:
Sauteed chicken sausage, kale, shallot, and roasted red peppers, simmered in marinara with lemon peel, over soft polenta, with a little parmesan on top. SO good.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Day 7: Pizza
Well, the dinner party went great. We had a nice time and I ate probably a little too much, but I managed to keep it pretty reasonable. I still have enough points to have sushi for lunch tomorrow and stick to my points for the week.
I would write more, but I am full of pizza and grilled shrimp (I did stay away from most of the cheese and high fat items), and also a little tipsy (I did not stay away from the wine).
Our friends were fun, and it was not as stressful as I thought it would be, and everything worked out ok in the end. I am calling it a day. I am also calling it the last evening of 35, as my birthday starts at 2:08am. Hurray for birthdays!
I'm out.
I would write more, but I am full of pizza and grilled shrimp (I did stay away from most of the cheese and high fat items), and also a little tipsy (I did not stay away from the wine).
Our friends were fun, and it was not as stressful as I thought it would be, and everything worked out ok in the end. I am calling it a day. I am also calling it the last evening of 35, as my birthday starts at 2:08am. Hurray for birthdays!
I'm out.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Day 6: Entertaining
I'm hosting a little dinner party tomorrow night. I love to entertain, and cooking is one of those areas where I love to pull out all the stops -- decadent ingredients and delicious recipes and fancy combinations of fancy foods. I am a good cook and I really enjoy seeing people enjoying what I've made.
It's a little more complicated to throw a great dinner party when you are dieting and still want to have fun. No one wants to have wasa crackers and fat free cheese or something. But at the same time, I don't want to go overboard.
I think I've come up with a pretty good solution. We're having grilled shrimp for an appetizer. Those are super low in points and are all protein, so I can eat as much of that as I want. I've got grilled bread to go with it, but I don't eat wheat anyway, so it's not an issue. But other people can enjoy it. We've also got some little bits of different kinds of cheese to munch on, and I can steer clear of that.
Then we are grilling pizzas. The nice thing about grilled pizza is that you can make the crust really thin, and also, you can control your ingredients. I am making my own pizza dough, so I know exactly what that will cost me in points. And I have a bunch of good but healthy toppings to go on it. The best ones for me will be a kale/spinach/shallot saute that is great with just a little crumble of feta (almost like spanakopita), and some rosemary/balsamic-marinated grilled mushrooms. I can pile a pizza with those and feel great about it. We also have some prosciutto, which is nice because a little goes a long way -- you just need a few paper thin slices. And then there are the standard toppings like sausage, olives, tomato sauce, and mozzarella, which I will use in extreme moderation. I am going to stick to sprinkles of the stronger-flavored cheeses -- a little parmesan goes a long way, and doesn't add nearly the calories that a bunch of mozzarella would.
I've already told my guests that I am not eating sugar right now, and asked them to bring the dessert. That way I can beg off from eating it in advance. With luck, they'll realize that this means they can bring something made from wheat, and then I won't even be tempted.
I worry a little bit that in the moment, I will throw caution to the wind and go crazy, just cramming as many toppings on my pizza as possible. That won't really do, so I am trying to be smart about it beforehand: I've already filled my WW tracker with all of the foods I am planning to eat, and the quantities I can have of each. I think that will keep me honest. Mostly I want to have fun and not be obsessed with counting calories or olive slices instead of just socializing and catching up with friends. I figure if I obsess now, I can relax later.
So that is my obsessive food talk for today. I'll report back tomorrow with how it goes. For now, off to start my pizza dough!
Dinner:
Spinach/romaine salad with champagne pear vinaigrette (Trader Joe's, delicious, low fat)
NY Steak, perfectly seasoned and grilled by my husband, who knows where it's at when it comes to grilling
Mashed potatoes, with very specifically measured amounts of butter and milk (they were delicious anyway)
It's a little more complicated to throw a great dinner party when you are dieting and still want to have fun. No one wants to have wasa crackers and fat free cheese or something. But at the same time, I don't want to go overboard.
I think I've come up with a pretty good solution. We're having grilled shrimp for an appetizer. Those are super low in points and are all protein, so I can eat as much of that as I want. I've got grilled bread to go with it, but I don't eat wheat anyway, so it's not an issue. But other people can enjoy it. We've also got some little bits of different kinds of cheese to munch on, and I can steer clear of that.
Then we are grilling pizzas. The nice thing about grilled pizza is that you can make the crust really thin, and also, you can control your ingredients. I am making my own pizza dough, so I know exactly what that will cost me in points. And I have a bunch of good but healthy toppings to go on it. The best ones for me will be a kale/spinach/shallot saute that is great with just a little crumble of feta (almost like spanakopita), and some rosemary/balsamic-marinated grilled mushrooms. I can pile a pizza with those and feel great about it. We also have some prosciutto, which is nice because a little goes a long way -- you just need a few paper thin slices. And then there are the standard toppings like sausage, olives, tomato sauce, and mozzarella, which I will use in extreme moderation. I am going to stick to sprinkles of the stronger-flavored cheeses -- a little parmesan goes a long way, and doesn't add nearly the calories that a bunch of mozzarella would.
I've already told my guests that I am not eating sugar right now, and asked them to bring the dessert. That way I can beg off from eating it in advance. With luck, they'll realize that this means they can bring something made from wheat, and then I won't even be tempted.
I worry a little bit that in the moment, I will throw caution to the wind and go crazy, just cramming as many toppings on my pizza as possible. That won't really do, so I am trying to be smart about it beforehand: I've already filled my WW tracker with all of the foods I am planning to eat, and the quantities I can have of each. I think that will keep me honest. Mostly I want to have fun and not be obsessed with counting calories or olive slices instead of just socializing and catching up with friends. I figure if I obsess now, I can relax later.
So that is my obsessive food talk for today. I'll report back tomorrow with how it goes. For now, off to start my pizza dough!
Dinner:
Spinach/romaine salad with champagne pear vinaigrette (Trader Joe's, delicious, low fat)
NY Steak, perfectly seasoned and grilled by my husband, who knows where it's at when it comes to grilling
Mashed potatoes, with very specifically measured amounts of butter and milk (they were delicious anyway)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Day 5: Settling in
I find it somewhat hard to believe, but I am already having trouble eating enough points. I thought I would be really starving all day, and it's true that I am hungry more than I used to be when I was eating huge breakfasts and snacks a few hours later (go figure) but I am not as concerned about it as I used to be.
I have a love/hate relationship with hunger. One the one hand, hunger is really bad. I've been hypoglycemic most of my life, and when I get really hungry, I get hangry. But beyond that even. I get so cranky that I sort of lose my mind; I'm irrational and hateful and screamy, and it's just really bad for everyone. It happened to me a lot when I was a kid, because I'd just be going and going and not eat and then suddenly I'd be so hungry that I wouldn't even feel hungry anymore, and then I'd start irrationally insisting that I am not hungry and I don't want to eat anything, stop forcing me I AM FINE. Which of course I wasn't. When I was a little kid I would kick and scream and my mom would literally have to forcefeed me something to get my blood sugar up. And when I was old enough to realize what I was doing, I also realized I couldn't act like that or get that out of control. So I developed lots of mechanisms to deal with that, mostly around eating lots of food regularly. I very very rarely have anything like a hypoglycemic episode anymore. I get cranky if it's been too long since my last meal, just like anyone, and every once in a while I have a megabitch moment, but I know when I need to eat. And, often, I've been eating too much all day, so there's not much chance of my blood sugar being that low.
In the middle, hungry means I need to eat something soon, and I'm working on it meaning that more than the other things. But that's not really very interesting to talk about.
On the other hand, hunger means success. I have only ever felt like I was thin or successful when I was hungry. Hungry means I am depriving myself, controlling my food intake, and burning fat. I don't think it actually means that, but there's a part of me that, when I am dieting, thinks "this is working" only if I can feel that little pang in my stomach, that little "you didn't eat enough" feeling. The one that, if you're at a restaurant, means "Order dessert!" The one that, at 10pm, means "You should have a snack!" If I ignore it, and stay hungry, that means I am winning.
That is all pretty fucked up right there. It looks like the gateway to anorexia, though I am pretty sure I don't need to worry about that, since I haven't gone more than a meal without eating in pretty much my entire life and I don't intend to start now. But the two extremes are definitely psychologically messed up, and unhealthy.
I had a good talk with my mom the other day where I parsed out some of this stuff about hunger. She just gave me a book called Women Food and God, and I haven't cracked it open yet. I think, when I do, I am going to crack open part of me, and I am a little freaked out to do that. But I think it's time I started cracking open some of this stuff, and seeing what the nutty center is to all of these ideas I have about food and my body. It's time to get 'er done.
Back to my point about not being able to eat all my points... Starting a new year with clean eating, I was prepared to be hungry for a good while, and for my points to feel restricting and minimal and insufficient. Instead, on this new points plus program (I am not capitalizing or TMing any of this stuff. WW can sue me), I am finding that I am eating lots of low points foods like healthy fruits and veggies and lean protein, so I am ending the day with extra points. Right now, I am filling some of those points with red wine, which, as a vice, could be worse, but there will come a day when I have to scale that back, too. Right now, though, it's nice to add up all my points and find that I didn't overeat, and almost under-ate for the day. And I didn't feel like I was starving. I just felt like things were ok.
Uh, I also didn't work out again today. If I had exercised, I am pretty sure I would have needed a pretty hearty snack in the mid-afternoon, and goodbye red wine. And my goal is to exercise 5 days a week, which means now I am going to have to work out on my birthday to meet my goal.
So anyway, that's my day.
Dinner tonight:
Grilled marinated pork chops with sweet chili sauce
Roasted butternut squash
Sauteed green beans with sesame/soy/garlic/hoisin sauce
Delicious!
I have a love/hate relationship with hunger. One the one hand, hunger is really bad. I've been hypoglycemic most of my life, and when I get really hungry, I get hangry. But beyond that even. I get so cranky that I sort of lose my mind; I'm irrational and hateful and screamy, and it's just really bad for everyone. It happened to me a lot when I was a kid, because I'd just be going and going and not eat and then suddenly I'd be so hungry that I wouldn't even feel hungry anymore, and then I'd start irrationally insisting that I am not hungry and I don't want to eat anything, stop forcing me I AM FINE. Which of course I wasn't. When I was a little kid I would kick and scream and my mom would literally have to forcefeed me something to get my blood sugar up. And when I was old enough to realize what I was doing, I also realized I couldn't act like that or get that out of control. So I developed lots of mechanisms to deal with that, mostly around eating lots of food regularly. I very very rarely have anything like a hypoglycemic episode anymore. I get cranky if it's been too long since my last meal, just like anyone, and every once in a while I have a megabitch moment, but I know when I need to eat. And, often, I've been eating too much all day, so there's not much chance of my blood sugar being that low.
In the middle, hungry means I need to eat something soon, and I'm working on it meaning that more than the other things. But that's not really very interesting to talk about.
On the other hand, hunger means success. I have only ever felt like I was thin or successful when I was hungry. Hungry means I am depriving myself, controlling my food intake, and burning fat. I don't think it actually means that, but there's a part of me that, when I am dieting, thinks "this is working" only if I can feel that little pang in my stomach, that little "you didn't eat enough" feeling. The one that, if you're at a restaurant, means "Order dessert!" The one that, at 10pm, means "You should have a snack!" If I ignore it, and stay hungry, that means I am winning.
That is all pretty fucked up right there. It looks like the gateway to anorexia, though I am pretty sure I don't need to worry about that, since I haven't gone more than a meal without eating in pretty much my entire life and I don't intend to start now. But the two extremes are definitely psychologically messed up, and unhealthy.
I had a good talk with my mom the other day where I parsed out some of this stuff about hunger. She just gave me a book called Women Food and God, and I haven't cracked it open yet. I think, when I do, I am going to crack open part of me, and I am a little freaked out to do that. But I think it's time I started cracking open some of this stuff, and seeing what the nutty center is to all of these ideas I have about food and my body. It's time to get 'er done.
Back to my point about not being able to eat all my points... Starting a new year with clean eating, I was prepared to be hungry for a good while, and for my points to feel restricting and minimal and insufficient. Instead, on this new points plus program (I am not capitalizing or TMing any of this stuff. WW can sue me), I am finding that I am eating lots of low points foods like healthy fruits and veggies and lean protein, so I am ending the day with extra points. Right now, I am filling some of those points with red wine, which, as a vice, could be worse, but there will come a day when I have to scale that back, too. Right now, though, it's nice to add up all my points and find that I didn't overeat, and almost under-ate for the day. And I didn't feel like I was starving. I just felt like things were ok.
Uh, I also didn't work out again today. If I had exercised, I am pretty sure I would have needed a pretty hearty snack in the mid-afternoon, and goodbye red wine. And my goal is to exercise 5 days a week, which means now I am going to have to work out on my birthday to meet my goal.
So anyway, that's my day.
Dinner tonight:
Grilled marinated pork chops with sweet chili sauce
Roasted butternut squash
Sauteed green beans with sesame/soy/garlic/hoisin sauce
Delicious!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Day 4: Chicken Noodle Soup for the Stomach
A reasonably good day today. Unfortunately I am running on a giant sleep deficit, because I hurt my arm somehow yesterday and it was achey and making me cranky all night. Of course that's the night that Jasper chose to sleep through, so I had no good reason at all to be awake. It was very irritating.
Got some work done and started on dinner, which was just chicken noodle soup but somehow meant I had to dirty half the dishes in the place. The stock I made the night before last had been outside since then (it's been below 35 for 3 days -- the porch is colder than the fridge) and it was some very gelatin-y and delicious stock. it became great soup. I poached two additional chicken breasts to add to it, but ended up only adding one because it was already chicken-heavy, and I went light on the noodles, though it was still probably more noodles than I needed. I also did not have bread/toast with butter and/or cheese. Generally I would do that, because soup isn't really a meal [in my head]. But a soup that is chicken and noodles and vegetables is totally a complete meal, especially when it's barely held together by broth.
I didn't exercise. I meant to, and kept trying to figure out when to do it, and it hasn't happened yet. I am really really worn out today. I am hoping I'll have time for a good workout tomorrow, though I don't have childcare, so it might be catch as catch can.
In any case, I have successfully implemented our meal plan again, and eaten according to my plan, and tracked my points accurately, so that is a win for today. One step at a time.
Got some work done and started on dinner, which was just chicken noodle soup but somehow meant I had to dirty half the dishes in the place. The stock I made the night before last had been outside since then (it's been below 35 for 3 days -- the porch is colder than the fridge) and it was some very gelatin-y and delicious stock. it became great soup. I poached two additional chicken breasts to add to it, but ended up only adding one because it was already chicken-heavy, and I went light on the noodles, though it was still probably more noodles than I needed. I also did not have bread/toast with butter and/or cheese. Generally I would do that, because soup isn't really a meal [in my head]. But a soup that is chicken and noodles and vegetables is totally a complete meal, especially when it's barely held together by broth.
I didn't exercise. I meant to, and kept trying to figure out when to do it, and it hasn't happened yet. I am really really worn out today. I am hoping I'll have time for a good workout tomorrow, though I don't have childcare, so it might be catch as catch can.
In any case, I have successfully implemented our meal plan again, and eaten according to my plan, and tracked my points accurately, so that is a win for today. One step at a time.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Day 3: Early Checkin
This morning I woke up later than I wanted to, but I have still managed to eat a healthy, on-plan breakfast and work out for 40 minutes! I did a Wii Fit workout because it is so cold out that I don't really want to walk or try running.
Yesterday toph and I figured out our meal plan for the rest of the week, which makes it easy for me to track my daily points in advance in WW. So I put in all the stuff that I have planned to eat today, and I still have plenty of points left over for some sensible snacks.
Speaking of snacks, right now in my fridge I have a ridiculous quantity of very cream-cheesey crab dip (delicious, but not really on plan), and a container of jello shots that my sister left at my house. I do not want to eat any of those things, but I feel guilty about throwing them away. I should never have made so much crab dip! I just got excited by the big can of crab and went nuts I guess. And we left the party so early that not much of it was eaten. I should have left more there. Anyway, it conflicts with my frugal shopping mind to throw away food.
And it also conflicts with the part of me inside that says "Keep that food. Eat it! Eat ALL of it! You never know when you'll eat again." Which I realize is ridiculous, because my house is full of food, and I live within a few blocks of all kinds of restaurants and grocery stores, not even to mention the fast food and the walk up waffle hut. I will likely never, ever go hungry or be in any danger of not getting my next meal. But there's a part of my alligator brain that panics and wants to pack it on in case the famine comes. I wish I could shut that part of my brain up.
While we are telling our brain to cram it, how about the part of my brain that says that food is the answer to emotional issues? Because that part can go screw itself too. I read a quote somewhere that said, "If hunger isn't the question, food isn't the answer." The problem is that my brain sometimes doesn't understand the difference between emotional and physical hunger. I am trying to recognize when I am wanting to eat when I am bored or upset. Sometimes it's really easy: I have a messed up day, and then I feel like I need something -- a treat. I deserve it! Today was hard, and cake makes it all feel better. I can usually catch myself. The times that are harder is when I am just feeling a little mopey, so I eat some cereal. Or I am just wandering around the house wondering what to do next (how about laundry, there's always plenty of that?) so I decide that cheese toast is a good idea.
So that's what I am thinking about today.
And hey, here's what we are having for dinner:
Grilled chicken breasts and legs (seasoned with Penzeys barbecue seasoning -- super yum)
Roasted sweet potatoes
Roasted broccoli
I was going to just steam the broccoli (we all like broccoli around here, so we eat it a lot), but I got this recipe for roasting it and squeezing it with lemon and tossing on a little parmesan, and that is too delicious to resist. And still pretty healthful. We'd probably have salad too, but I am going to have salad and leftovers for lunch.
Yesterday toph and I figured out our meal plan for the rest of the week, which makes it easy for me to track my daily points in advance in WW. So I put in all the stuff that I have planned to eat today, and I still have plenty of points left over for some sensible snacks.
Speaking of snacks, right now in my fridge I have a ridiculous quantity of very cream-cheesey crab dip (delicious, but not really on plan), and a container of jello shots that my sister left at my house. I do not want to eat any of those things, but I feel guilty about throwing them away. I should never have made so much crab dip! I just got excited by the big can of crab and went nuts I guess. And we left the party so early that not much of it was eaten. I should have left more there. Anyway, it conflicts with my frugal shopping mind to throw away food.
And it also conflicts with the part of me inside that says "Keep that food. Eat it! Eat ALL of it! You never know when you'll eat again." Which I realize is ridiculous, because my house is full of food, and I live within a few blocks of all kinds of restaurants and grocery stores, not even to mention the fast food and the walk up waffle hut. I will likely never, ever go hungry or be in any danger of not getting my next meal. But there's a part of my alligator brain that panics and wants to pack it on in case the famine comes. I wish I could shut that part of my brain up.
While we are telling our brain to cram it, how about the part of my brain that says that food is the answer to emotional issues? Because that part can go screw itself too. I read a quote somewhere that said, "If hunger isn't the question, food isn't the answer." The problem is that my brain sometimes doesn't understand the difference between emotional and physical hunger. I am trying to recognize when I am wanting to eat when I am bored or upset. Sometimes it's really easy: I have a messed up day, and then I feel like I need something -- a treat. I deserve it! Today was hard, and cake makes it all feel better. I can usually catch myself. The times that are harder is when I am just feeling a little mopey, so I eat some cereal. Or I am just wandering around the house wondering what to do next (how about laundry, there's always plenty of that?) so I decide that cheese toast is a good idea.
So that's what I am thinking about today.
And hey, here's what we are having for dinner:
Grilled chicken breasts and legs (seasoned with Penzeys barbecue seasoning -- super yum)
Roasted sweet potatoes
Roasted broccoli
I was going to just steam the broccoli (we all like broccoli around here, so we eat it a lot), but I got this recipe for roasting it and squeezing it with lemon and tossing on a little parmesan, and that is too delicious to resist. And still pretty healthful. We'd probably have salad too, but I am going to have salad and leftovers for lunch.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Day 2: I drink too much wine
I do. I drink too much wine. Or rather, I drink more than I need to. (How much wine is really necessary? I might argue: a lot. But not really.) I decided this time with the clean eating that I was going to cut out processed carbs and sugar and let wine be my "treat" instead of having desserts, etc. But tonight we went to my cousin's for dinner -- a delicious and very healthy chicken and brown rice, with a fresh kale/cabbage salad that was so delicious, you forget you're eating kale, which is basically a flavorful weed (albeit one full of antioxidants. Why do superfoods have to be so weird? I like kale, but I know it's an acquired taste). Anyway, amidst the very very healthful food, we all drank a very good amount of red wine (resvreratol! antioxidants! Whatever, it's still a poison, I know that.) So that was today.
For the record: breakfast was right on track, and I didn't eat much in the way of lunch because we ate a late breakfast and an early dinner. So I still stuck with my points today, but I drank more wine than I really feel like I should. On the upside, I feel very relaxed!
Tomorrow: Exercise!
For the record: breakfast was right on track, and I didn't eat much in the way of lunch because we ate a late breakfast and an early dinner. So I still stuck with my points today, but I drank more wine than I really feel like I should. On the upside, I feel very relaxed!
Tomorrow: Exercise!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Day 1
I decided not to wait this year. Not to wait for the hangover to go away, or to get all of my resolutions printed on pretty paper, or even to get them all fully resolved, before I really got started. I decided last week that on January 1, I was going to start tracking my weight again on WW, cutting out the unhealthy carbs that are keeping me so foggy, and sticking with my program even on my birthday (coming up next week), because it always throws me off track. I am just starting on January 1 and sticking with it.
So today I tracked my points, and I came in under my allotted total. I kept my carbs down, and even though we went out to dinner (not really part of the plan, but we didn't have a specific plan yet), I just had a salad with protein, and then a few bites of dessert. (We got creme brulee because Jasper had never had it before.) It's a qualified success. I would have liked to have had a really clean eating day, but we had too much going on -- the kids were here and we were tired from last night. Usually that would be my cue to say fuck it and just starting tomorrow, or next week, or maybe February.
But I started today. I'm moving toward my values of being healthy, energetic, and trimmer. For me and for my family.
Here are my goals:
So today I tracked my points, and I came in under my allotted total. I kept my carbs down, and even though we went out to dinner (not really part of the plan, but we didn't have a specific plan yet), I just had a salad with protein, and then a few bites of dessert. (We got creme brulee because Jasper had never had it before.) It's a qualified success. I would have liked to have had a really clean eating day, but we had too much going on -- the kids were here and we were tired from last night. Usually that would be my cue to say fuck it and just starting tomorrow, or next week, or maybe February.
But I started today. I'm moving toward my values of being healthy, energetic, and trimmer. For me and for my family.
Here are my goals:
- To track my points every day, and stay under my weekly total (including flex and activity points)
- To make meal plans every week and then stick to them
- To eat real, healthful food for the majority of my meals, and keep my "white" foods to a minimum (I am not sure how strict I want to be about this at first. Right now, I am all shopped up and there's not much in the way of carbs in the house. I'm keeping it that way for now.)
- To exercise for 30 minutes or more, at least 5 days a week
- To write in this blog every week day (at least) about how I am feeling, what I'm eating, and anything else that seems pertinent
- To stick with it, even on holidays and even when I don't feel like it
- To lose an average of 1.5 pounds a week for the next 13 weeks
- To revisit these goals at the end of March and make new goals for the next quarter
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